'The 12'
parts two & four - Andrew ~ John


When does belief become dangerous?

influence: andrew was a disciple of john the baptist who followed jesus on john's recommendation; the first thing andrew did was to find his brother simon and tell him, "We have found the Messiah." and andrew brought simon to jesus

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john's personal growth in love became tradition, and, into his 90s he still preached, sitting and saying, "Children, love one another." magnificent about john is the change in him brought about by jesus, expressing and controlling the strong forces of his soul - gradually changing them so that all tempestuousness, threats, ambitions and narrowness were consumed in the perfectness of love

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legacy: andrew - raw belief; john - rampant love: the blind student, whose sense in belief & faith, is so keen that he follows without need for his own guidance. glorified in relentless love, genuine out of reform, dedicating his fury of brawn to fury of love

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the diligent student begets eternal life ~ life persists from love ~ love births life, always

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poking around, and stuff: i don't know where to begin. these two are the prototype, together and singular. the eagerness. simple confidence. the sanctification. men, true, still unflawed

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so. let's poke top left. top to illustrate high, intense...left to illustrate departure = intense departing. in which case. the innocence of the legacy of andrew and john. is corrupted. turned exact nemesis. and this is the stuff jonestown is made of, for example. and our time is very different from biblical times. evil isn't as honest as it was in biblical times. deception neither. who can tell the difference between divine instruments. and fanatic psychotics

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andrew and john gave us. the answer. simple. doable. and, not that it is not achieved - somewhere the honesty of the answer was lost

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maybe the answer to this question re: the answer is in andrew. regarded as the first of the 12 apostles. live as a believer in whatever situation assigned to you andrew had much to lose in material possessions; love they enemy andrew had much to lose in reputation. still, he went to jesus. on the mere recommendation. of his teacher. in flesh. this must signify the importance of the legacy of jesus as perpetuated by man. which would have to signify the importance of faith in mortal teachers, leaders. but then, john was specially beloved - because of his love - by his master

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just to be sure: everlasting is the student in a devout living to grow and accept. and, through growth and openness comes love. which, when practiced unconditionally, is the source of continual life beyond 'self'. but beware falsehoods

by a rose named 'nea
i can still feel the brush of her palm against my chin. i think i was slobbing, because she said something about cleaning me up. i remember how she would tug on my ponytail to straighten it. she always pulled me up off the bench with both hands. then she would swing me to her hip and rub away my sleep with her hand. i remember being on the bench. it was the old kind without cushion. but i remember feeling tucked in and safe. i can't remember if church was always our nap time, but i do remember other kids on the bench sleeping with me. all of us on this long wood bench. i remember feeling like the bench was too long for my legs to walk. i think i fell asleep on my mom and she carried me. i can't see faces. not even my mom's. i just remember the warmth of her hands. i remember feeling like no matter what she said or did, i was safe
a portrait
the Testimonial, i am a spiritual magnet. sanity challenged people approach me and carry on intimate, coherent conversation. i look at them and hear their words. i see something trying to escape from inside. why escape to me? i don't ask them to. i don’t want them to. i don’t want them trapped. but what is expected of me? i never respond. just stand, wait, listen. eye contact. always eye contact. even when they don't maintain it, they refer to it. if an incoherent rant tries to get involved, eye contact re-rallies the troop within. they exhaust their sanity. they go off. i go off and feel the weight of their existence. i am a creature of emotion. i remember being upset that i would never ever be able to feel exactly as another does. it is not physically possible. maybe that was the prelude to understanding the spiritual magnet within myself. i guess understanding is enough, because i can’t change it.
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do they remember me? i remember them, their faces, their melanin portion. i remember the consistency of their breath. their eyes' size, color, tendency. their height and width, but not clothing. i don’t remember their clothes besides general category and pattern. what is it about me that sets my face apart in a crowd? is it my face? am i the face of anything to them? i've been crazy. there could be a more intrinsic connection. even though my season of crazy didn't surface until many, many years after my appointment as a spiritual magnet. why do people believe they have to bare their souls to me? and why does my compassion exhibit both patience and restlessness? it's like a spirit takes over and controls me for what these people need.
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but how do i let go? i’m always left apologizing and pining in the happening of it for a long time after. emotion plagues me. and people are called to me by it. what is it? they obsess me, devour me, and i seem to not be able to live the same after we're done. i think i’d feel better if i knew what is it. i don’t hate it. i just want an explanation to go with my acceptance. i don’t mean to get mad in a biblical place like this, but i am only human. or. maybe i am only a vessel for something that has nothing to do with me. but i’m taking it personal.
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but it is personal. i feel things. i have this way of just knowing stuff. like i've been trying to contact a dear friend for months. for no special reason, except that i keep thinking of her. i learned today she's in a mental institution. what was calling me to her? is my spiritual magnet multidimensional - two-directional? why were the middle men unwilling to help me reach her? was it an if, then arrangement? if i could not reach her, then this scenario where our connection is her primary goal. she checked in, and sent a clear request that she wants to talk to me. not just me, but most intimately with me. our connection can’t be stopped now.
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her request: to talk. my intention: to talk. to let her know she is thought about. to send her a modest gesture of inspiration. and to satisfy that something in me demanding i reach her.
there is this part in Inspired By . . . THE BIBLE EXPERIENCE when a young female, known for telling futures, follows the disciples. constantly calling out their identity and purpose. to hear this, it sounds like solid helpful banter. she is cheerful. conveys hope. faith. recruiting, basically

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after awhile one of the disciples tires of her. he turns to her. commands a. or. commands the. spirit to get out of her. it did. she hushed. and the listener is told that she does not tell futures anymore

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i'm puzzled: how did he know a spirit was in her? why did he get rid of it? and why under this circumstance? why didn't he get rid of it when he learned she told futures? he didn't. so. wasn't the spirit a good one? wasn't the spirit, working through her, helping the disciples? if it was a good spirit, wasn't it ok to actualize the spirit within herself? was she. or. the spirit. in control? is control the issue? is there a hierarchy of acceptable spirit use? if it was a bad spirit, how was anyone to know?