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it's hard
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to tell someone exactly what you think. or. how you feel about the wrong they've done you. let's just be honest. right out living is only an issue when it pertains to bad situations. so let's run with it. and. that's precisely what i am referring to when i say living 'right out'
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living 'right out': defined: poked: ready, set, activate: hold tight to any inspiration you have. for the benefit of self. or, equally. for the benefit of others. in a bold and mutually desperate attempt to preserve that inspiration. even at the expense of other's feelings. it will bother you, too. yes, you not putting yourself out to accommodate others. will bother you. it will unsettle your feelings. only because it's so habit that it's natural. sooooo. play with it. 'til you're comfortable
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right out living is selfish, yes. but that's all it is. and. selfish has become a commodity. and as such. seek quality over quantity. selfish is not mean. selfish is not brash or nasty, vulgar, tempered. selfish is calculated preoccupation with preserving inspiration. this includes base energy to pursue inspiration. and. desire to pursue the pursuit of inspiration. to a degree that creates an aire of distance and shallow
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this is your goal. sort of. essentially, don't give them more than you have to. so that you can give yourself more than you'd hoped or planned or believed. don't focus on being distant or shallow. pay attention. answer; respond. but keep your inspiration in the back of your mind, executing exact answer;response so you can get to pursuing your inspiration. and. truth is, many of us do this already. time to formalize
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by a rose named aria
i should've just told her. just said it. click. delete. empty trash. but i knew that wouldn't be the end of it. she's the last word type. and, highly strung. not a clue of her condescending tone. never judging because she's convinced she's the bible police. i love and live god, too. we just have different approaches. and i just didn't appreciate her tone. yes, email has tone. it has character. because it has you dripped all over it. to: knows if you are smiling or screaming or faking. but there are still people who feel it necessary to capitalize the letters. to use italics. to type more than one very. you know, if you just say it, the meaning is not lost. and, maybe you even sneak some politeness in there. so, i just wrote how i felt in a vague direct message. without, of course, bringing up past trespasses. i tried to share responsibility and ended up taking full. i clicked send and thought. 'she won't get it.' then i spent the day wishing i'd just said what i had to say. lost whatever would have been lost. but kept my clarity of mind. now the window is closed. and i don't think about it - until she emails me. and then i go through all this emotion. what does it say? will it be mean? do i respond? should i be mean back? i should just crack that fake porcelain horse of hers. should i just delete it without reading it? what if it's important? what if it's not? and worse, what if it's mean? so i read it. because i know only god can put hurt in me. and when he does, there is a lesson for me to learn. and, her messages have been junk mail. so far. and i want to send her an email that says, 'you know what - you irritate me.' but i don't. because my window was open.
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then i closed it
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