'The 12'

part one - Simon called Peter ~ Peter

Can Invincibility Be Bottled?
influence: simon called peter denied knowing jesus. three times. he continued to be a disciple; went on to become the first named apostle

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legacy: anyone can commit a despicable act. despicable acts are tools to relearning of self. relearning of self is necessity to invincibility. invincibility is the power in will to exist as unconquerable

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poking around: invincible, explored : i was once invincible. i've known others to be. the foolish seek it. the wise accept it. no one can ignore it. someone is going to be. someone is. and, some other someone doesn't know they are. yet. knowing is an eventual end. knowing you've come through the fiercest challenge you will ever face. gaining dimensions of character. that settle into some measure of fortitude. necessary. the blood, the hurt of it. to reconstruct the fibers of your flesh. so that fortitude is grafted into your dna. on standby. for split second decisions. decisions that alter lives

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it is not the stuff super heroes are made of. more the stuff super villains are made of. more easily understood as the stuff ordinary people with extraordinary abilities are made of

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invincibility is a peculiar process. it is obsessively deliberate. it don't call on anyone - not stating its name and purpose. it ain't for the weak. even in preying on the weak in you. delayed gratification is its signature. stripping... no, it's more intimate. raping its access as your unconditional companion. acrid kisses. to put it plain. invincibility is a peculiar process. of build and destroy. of building a person, destroying that person, before that person rises new in old shells and understanding s/he can handle anything from anybody at anytime. understanding is your invincibility

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invincibility is a divinely orchestrated course. through which you feel needlessly tortured in suffering. only to later un confuse wants from needs, un confuse who is in charge of your needs

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a POEM: I'm in pain

Can anyone hear me

Am, I - speaking

Help me

What else can life bring

I've been through everything

I feel the call

Of God

But I'm losing

What life means

I'm in love with you hating you

Dear God, forgive me

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just to be sure: simon called peter was sure. sure of himself. sure he wouldn't; sure he couldn't. simon called peter could not conceive of betraying jesus. of betraying his faith. of betraying, on a more basic and integral level, his word. and, in so, simon called peter couldn't conceive of betraying himself. who and what he knew himself to be. he did. he betrayed. he understood it, after. he rose - invincible

by a rose named stace

i wasn't nervous until i got there. the drive felt like church. the parking lot felt like church. the walk in felt like church. but the greeters. the welcome packet. and new visitor registration. the large screen video feed. microphones. professional sound equipment. it didn't feel like church anymore. it was commercial. i felt pulled into a mob mentally. i felt exposed. the congregation was too rehearsed. the women, airbrushed. their men cover story shot perfect. i couldn't even find church. i looked in the songs. i looked in the wails. i looked. and as much as i was a part of it, i wasn't. i didn't speak. i watched and listened. i responded with what i knew they wanted to hear. i feared being exposed. the words were right, but when i needed them they did not come

there’s something about darkness that calms the spirit
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it makes the cowardly brave,
sheepish - bold and swift
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if I had a choice,

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the moon would rise high in the east
the sun?: weep for more attention

I would make birds soar into gutters

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gutters rot with stool from their beaks
beaks would tell of man’s misdeeds

beaks would expose the moon’s role

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replace yellow with navy blue, white with gray
black would represent purity, and,
purity would be our acts - each moon lit step

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I would let rats speak their peace
our eyes cheese sprinkled on their main course
brains spaghetti with souls the gravy over noodles
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no one would walk, but all crawl, and,
claw at each other to be able to kneel
lick and fetish the rich taste of feces

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as only we individuals could produce
I’d plunge a knife into my vital link,
praying it prevailed as a cry for help

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Or,

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I’d plunge into my fists for they had failed me, us
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I’d live like there was no God,

praying to Him that my lifestyle is not in sin
seal my lips, never seeping what it is that helps

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me get by, in the calm of darkness
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a portrait
the Victim... tied up. tiny wrists. immature ankles. bruised against coarse cloth. bruised against coarse care. innocent skin dented and scraped. in the mildew of basement. next to the crawlers of closet. ill handled. in the delusion of love. out of the cycle of batter. the toy was little comfort. that little comfort was welcome. when age knew double digits, this child knew. not only the hurt. not only the confusion, clarity of incoherence. this child knew. survival. through so many years. through so many unexplainable episodes of abuse. abuse that soils in memory. in slow motion flash. through so many pleas. that the pleas stopped. unanswered in action. until, answered in action. the child's action, subsequently. the act of growth. the act of continued breath. the act of living. even in an existence of near death. starved. de-valued. broken. until, answered in action. the act of broken pieces mending. the act of un confusing the act from the acts. the acts of the abuser. the act of the child. now grown. in reflection. seeing weakness in the mirror. knowing strength allows the reflection. knowing strength is an extraordinary beginning. knowing the beginning starts with the reflection. knowing the reflection is a respectable farewell. knowing the cycle has set sail. knowing nothing and nobody will ever be able to cause hurt again; knowing nothing and nobody will ever be able to cause this survivor to hurt others. knowing this survivor wasn't in control then. and isn't in control now. and yet, knowing the course has run. knowing the abuser has served purpose. knowing that purpose has introduced itself to this survivor's next level

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knowing invincibility