'THE 12'
parts 10 & 11
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What is bad about being 'nothing too special'?

by a rose named Till

today i went to the mall. i was just looking. i wanted to treat myself to those chocolate bunnies at the shop across from the slushy place. actually, i wanted to treat myself to a slushy, too. it's been so long since i've been able to do anything or go anywhere. sometimes i feel like i am not even living. it is almost like i spend so much time at work. or so much time getting to and from work. or some much time worrying about this bill and that money i never got. i just want to sleep all the time. but i decided i was going to get out of the house today. if i didn't do nothing while i was out didn't matter. i just wanted to be out. i wish i lived in a big celebrity city. those places where famous people be at the mall. and you can walk right up to them and talk and take a picture. i use to like to get dressed. now, i am just happy to be covered. i am not that fat, but i've put on a lot of weight. and i don't really care because no one is ever looking at me. i mean i have guy friends, when i need anything they take care of it. sometimes i feel bad because i know they have girlfriends. but we really are just friends. i just get lonely sometimes. and they don't like to see me hurting. besides, they like to hang out at my place. and i like to cook for them. and sometimes they bring their girlfriends over. we are more like family then friends. but, i don't feel right asking them to go anywhere with me. so, today i went to the mall alone. i ate a couple chocolate bunnies. but then, i started feeling bad and i threw the rest out. it was funny because the lady in the store saw me. and she came over. offering me a sample of a different kind. she said she was sorry if i was not happy with my purchase. i just stared at her, sipping my slushy

Thaddaeus ~ Simon the Zealot ~ Judas son of James

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influence: real follower; preacher; known zealot; patriot

legacy: ordinary people living extra ordinary lives; natives

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'There have to be differences among you to show who has God's approval' and, i doubt. better yet, i'd argue. this quote was said. was composed. has been handed down as if tradition. for those on the upper di end of differences. first in line to witness his approval. feeling cheated, feeling overlooked, feeling under appreciated. going through each day, mantra-ing my suffering is my salvation. so, let me get to it: poking around: why do we believe suffering is the mark of the chosen. that living a hard life is salvation by default. i don't think this. i do think we are each tools to each other's lessons. and i believe we go through things to learn a lesson. and if we don't learn that lesson, we continue to go through things. until we do or we die or we don't. but end up with a hard filled life. it is in the purpose of means in life, not death. good. and. bad. hard. and easy. blessed. and. stressed. don't employ loyalty. and, they shouldn't. we are all just people. someone decides this one is more valuable or more likable or more. . . which we only question when we feel cheated, overlooked, under appreciated. and, heaven help us, for those of us who don't question. convinced we are lesser. we are all just people. after the blah blahs of you are something soooo special, there is just a person. and, sadly. we often don't know they know pain and hurt and suffering. because we have granted them status of more. sitting them above. the minutia of dark spots us relational folks of lesser go through. not good. not bad. barring the extremes, of course. *each of us just a breathing subject to life and the nuances of life's and lives' traffic in and around the other
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just to be sure: nothing isn't in you that isn't suppose to be there. your life. anyone's life is simple. believe in you & pursue you, even if pursuing you means doing nothing different

a portrait

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I'm nothing special.
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I don't think I've ever been. I'm always one of the ones wearing the latest styles. I am always just trying to fit in, be noticed. Living life happy and satisfied with the streets I've taken. I've never been anywhere. That would be nice - to go somewhere. I probably wouldn't go anywhere if I could, though. Only because I don't know anyone anywhere else. It's just safer where I am. I know everything about where I am. And I'm happy.
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Sometimes I think that maybe there is something better. Something more glamorous I can be doing with my life. But I don't actually think it could happen. It's not a fantasy, just playing around. I really am satisfied with my life. I work. I pay my bills. I date and go out with my friends. My kids are fed, and I keep me and my kids well dressed. It's not as hard as some people make it seem. I mean, yes I get tired of going to work. But I go because I must.
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I get tired of running behind my kids, especially when they seem ungrateful and triflin. But that is life. It is my life. I live for my kids. They really are the only thing I can offer the world that amounts to any worth. And, I think all kids start out bad and snooping - getting into everything. Not that they mean to be bad. They are just being kids. I think everyone should have a kid. Man and woman. Everyone should have a kid in their care, because to care for a kid really does give you an appreciation of patience and rest.
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If there was more patience in the world, and more rest in it, there wouldn't be so much war and fighting and killing. I've seen and heard about people who were just nasty with mean before they had a kid. After they had a kid, they became so nice. It was unexpected by a lot of folks. But not me. It is just a kind of natural thing that happens. It should happen if it doesn't. There are people who have a kid and they go crazy or get sick. I feel sorry for them. To get sick isn't as bad in the sense that you can get help for the sickness. But to go crazy, seems like more of a thing that turns into the stuff we see on the news when people kill others and hurt they kids. I personally don't think this is natural.
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But to have a kid and then see yourself slowing down to hear each word they learn and try to say. And, to slow down to see them learn how to move their body and stuff like that. It is a real blessing, and I just hope that my being patient for them teaches them to grow into grown folks who appreciate patience. And, interact with people they know and strangers with patience. Rest will always come. Whether a person deserves it or not, they will get them some rest.
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Patience doesn't work like that.